Of sins and sacrifice
by Tim gear solid
Summary: Torture, degradation, humiliation and it will only get worse for Squall at the hands of his enemies, but there is always hope. YAOI.
1. Chapter 1

This Story is dedicated to Astarte Lea who is a better writer than me…..maybe, tee hee

Of sins and sacrifice

Chapter 1

Pain had never ever felt more real than at this moment in time, his entire body ached.

He had definitely been worked over pretty fierce, trying to open his eyes he found he couldn't, the light behind his lids was too bright.

There was large pressure on his chest and it hurt to breathe which usually indicated broken ribs.

He was in a kneeling position with his hands cuffed behind him, though he had no recollection of how he came to be tied up.

All he could remember was being dragged up stairs, just before having the shit kicked out of him repeatedly, then being followed by the most intense pain imaginable which had caused him to black out.

He tried to rise up from his position only to earn him a swift rebuke in the form of a steel toed boot rise up from nowhere and kick him in the stomach.

Knocking the breath out of him and causing even more pain to flair in his already bruised torso.

"DOWN!" screamed a voice in his ear, refusing to do as he was told he tried to get up once more only to get three more to the guts.

"OBEY!" it screamed more insistently this time, acceding to defeat and settling back down on his knees.

Heavy laughter followed the instructions "I'd do as she says ya know"

Gritting his teeth he gradually opened his eyes trying to ignore the intense pain in his stomach as the pupils of his eyes contracted wildly.

As his vision cleared he saw that he was kneeling on a large flat slab of stone while being flanked by the two most annoying people he knew.

"Wakie, wakie Squall" chanted Rajin "It's showtime baby"

"SHOWTIME!" screamed Fujin in her usual unnecessarily loud way.

Seifer's cronies were looming over either side of him, whatever was happening it would not be good.

"What are you morons up to now" muttered squall glowering up at Rajin,

"MORONS!" the boot pounded his sternum yet again,

Rajin took hold of Squall's hair and yanked it back "That ain't nice Squall ya know"

Pulling his head back so far he thought his neck might snap, "You be nice or we might have to cut out your tongue" then pushing his head forward and slamming his knee into Squall's face.

Stars blanketed his vision as he reeled from this latest attack, spitting blood on the floor he glared at Rajin only to see an excited grin spread across his face before turning to face forward.

At this point Squall took it upon himself to survey his surroundings and search for a possible escape.

He looked up to see that he was surrounded by marble statues and columns that flanked either side of the platform they were on.

The whole place seemed familiar somehow, but he couldn't quite put his finger on where he was just yet.

The clouds above them were somewhat ominous looking, full of rain but not quite ready to cry.

There was plenty of lightning and thunder that had begun to grow increasingly louder as time went by.

"Where are we?" he asked preparing himself for another possible assault by Fujin's foot,  
"You forget already? man you are slow" replied Rajin with obvious disdain, "just shut up and stay still okay"  
Fine, whatever there up to it doesn't matter all that matters is how to get away he thought with growing dread at the unfolding situation.  
Looking directly upwards he noticed slanting bars cross the skyline in diamond pattern coming down and linking to the current platform they were on, directly ahead of him were stairs that lead up and split off in different directions, the one on the right lead onwards to the unknown but the left one was broken with a huge chunk of step taken out it.

The familiarity of the place grew as he looked at the ground underneath him, deep markings and grooves were ridden into the time warn stone.

Before he could ponder this more a large black bag was rammed over his head and pulled around his neck, and as he tried to cry out it was tied tightly around his Adams apple with twine.

Growling with displeasure he struggled against this new form of bondage only to stop as he realized that it only made the twine dig in deeper, forcing himself to calm down and use his only available senses.

The bag stank of sweat and somebody's puke, he forced himself to concentrate on the sounds around him as he fought to control his gag reflex.

The situation was rapidly spinning out of his control, he had a feeling it was going to get a lot worse before the day out, he heard fighting sounds and a muffled yell behind him.

Straining to hear more clearly, Squall closed his eyes and steadied his breathing becoming aware of the rumbles in the ground that indicted footsteps or in this case thrashing dragged feet.

More muffled yells were heard becoming drastically more desperate as time went by, the sounds seemed only to be coming from the captive the captors it seems were all business and quite obviously very professional.

A sharp cry was heard as it seemed the prisoner had struck home with one of his feet, and a gruff voice was heard screaming profanities as he dished out his own brand of punishment,

The beating itself was quick but undeniably brutal by the sounds of it, "For fucks sake kid give it a rest!" screamed a rough voice, "it's a good thing were being well paid for this, Galbadia isn't hiring no more" replied a younger more subdued voice.

"Shut up you idiot he'll here you!" replied the first with growing anger, "ahh who cares there both dead anyway, what does it matter" said the other with a cavalier quality.  
"It just does you hear me, what if they make it out alive? Huh what then smart ass?"

"Well it's not like I'm telling anything important, lotta people are from Galbadia"

He heard a deflated sigh come from the first "Just keep your god damned mouth shut okay, I want this over and done with so I can go home"  
Heavy shackles and chains were rattled as the prisoner was chained to something, "Alright we've done our part, when do we get paid?" asked the first one.

"As soon as it's all over" answered Rajin, "What! You mean we have to sit here and watch this shit?" screamed the kidnapper,

"you want your money then don't you?" smirked Rajin,

He could here grumbling and muttered cursing before the reply "Fuck you asshole, how long is this gonna take?"  
"Not long now" said a deeper voice from behind him, the voice was familiar but the bag restricted his hearing somewhat.

"It's almost over" said the stranger as his footsteps grew louder before stopping beside Squall, "Hmmm" was all that was said before continuing.

"Just gotta prep this one before we can have fun" said the voice with obvious enjoyment of the situation and the control he had.

The cruelty and arrogance was dripping through his manner of speech, the kind of person that enjoyed seeing pain.

The sounds of clothes being torn off the prisoner could be heard, and the displeasure at such degradation at the hands of his captor being made plain to hear through more muffled shouts and screams, harsh gleeful laughter followed these outbursts.

"Such spirit, It will be fun to see how long it will take to break you" said the captor with relish, a large moan was heard from the right side of the platform, "Aww for fucks sake man" complained the first thug, "You said it wouldn't take looooong" whined the second.

"It will take as long as I want it to take so shut up and stay out of the way" snarled the mystery man, the thugs fell silent at this but Squall still heard "…fucking bastard" muttered under the first's breath.

"Now then" said the alpha male and Squall heard an audible thud and a shrill scream as the captor punched the prisoner in the ribs, "That's what I want to hear" he screamed with delight as he continued to lay into him.

He hit him even harder as time went on, striving to do as much damage as possible and as it went on the victims screams just seemed to blend and weave together creating a tapestry of agony that permeated the air around them.

After about half an hour it stopped and the only sound left was the sound of ragged panting moans of pain coming from the prisoner, "I think were about done here" exclaimed the alpha sounding exceedingly pleased with himself.

"Everyone enjoying the show" he asked to everyone, "cause it's about to get better"

At that moment a deafening crack of lightning was heard and the rushing of wind filled the area briefly followed by the clip clopping of enormous hooves.

As he was wondering what made the sound the temperature dropped suddenly and an icy voice spoke that chilled him to his very bones, "I see you've been playing too rough with our guest" said a voice that was so undeniably evil it made him want to vomit right then and there.

It sounded female if it could even be called human, but was somehow warped and distorted to an abnormally high pitch that made it hard to listen to.

"I must keep better track of my knight's from now on, you will get your punishment in bed tonight" she said with a large trace smug showing in her voice.

That's when it all fell into place, 'No, not her, anyone but her' Squall thought desperately.

Echoing footsteps moved towards him until she was standing right in front of him, "Stand him up" she gave out a terse order to Fujin and Rajin to which they obeyed immediately, dragging him to his feet and holding his upper arms.

She surveyed him for a second before addressing Rajin "strip him", automatically rough hands tore at his clothes, ripping his jacket from his body and tearing his shirt across the seam.

Squall knew better than to struggle against them he would need all the energy he had to break away and escape this freak show, plus her proximity was draining as it is.

His bare chest received a cold chuckle before another order was given "All of him" at this Squall began to struggle, It would be a cold day in hell that he would willingly be undressed in front of her or anyone against his permission.

He showed himself to nobody, his violent attempts to retain his dignity and pride were met with an equally violent dose of discipline from Fujin kicking him yet again into submission.

While she just stood there watching him "tsk-tsk now this will never do, you must learn your place like all dogs" he tried to throw out a retort but the words would not come he found that he could not summon words to his defense and his resolve to continue struggling was gradually weakening.

The kicks to his stomach took their toll on him and he was completely out of breath, now sucking huge gulps of air that stank of puke and sweat while having his leather pants peeled off him.

"There, now that's much better isn't it" she remarked as his full naked glory was revealed, determined to not let that bitch have too much fun with him so he stood fast trying to ignore the growing humiliation he felt at this spectacle.

"Mmmmm, it's good that you keep your body in such good condition cause it just makes it all the more better for me to defile" she reached out and stroked his chest with her long talon like nails, fighting waves of revulsion and disgust at being touched by something like her he struggled to maintain his outward stoic indifference.

She gradually moved her hand downward making sure to indent her sharp fingers in the most heavily bruised and tender areas of his injuries, he winced as she pushed to deep and created a small incision around his belly button.

She was toying with him he realized, like a cat does before it eats the mouse he was her food, he really didn't think she would mind stooping to cannibalism but he hardly considered her human.

Her continued ministrations had knocked him out of his soliloquy she reached his groin and began to touch him, "Cold out here isn't it" she noted with obvious enjoyment as his maleness shrunk, he could here the kidnappers laughing their asses off at the remark while Rajin guffawed and not even Fujin could manage to suppress a small giggle that escaped her.

It had reached the pinnacle of his disgrace at her treatment of him in front of every one, the only person that remained stoic and calm was the alpha that seemed to revel in the suffering of the prisoner.

"Well I could play with you all day but time is unfortunately rather short" disappointed but determinedly cold in her words she let him go.

As she walked towards the other prisoner her heels resounded all over the platform, the sharp echoing clacks reverberating off the marble columns and balustrades, each step creating an even greater sense of foreboding for the prisoner and squall.

He knew something very bad was going to happen soon and he felt his avenues of flight were sliding shut rapidly.

"Ah our fabled antagonist, my knight has expressed displeasure at your particular frame of character" more distressed muffled sobs were heard,

"I believe he called it 'intolerable'" the alpha laughed at that.

"This is enough of this cloak and dagger business, take off his blindfold let him see the light" she commanded, it was removed with gusto followed by a slap to the face from Fujin probably reminding him to behave or maybe just because she was a megabitch, bit a both most likely.

Once again his eyes were forced to adapt to the harsh light, shaking his head and squinting the figures surrounding him were slowly becoming more than just blurs.

To his right stood the two kidnappers together looking extremely uncomfortable at the turn of events, the older it turns out was Wedge standing there with arms crossed his weight leaning on to his back foot glaring at squall as it seems he had been the reason things had slowed down to a large extent when he could be pissing away his money down at the local pub on cheap scotch and even cheaper whores.

And Biggs was there right next to him hands stuffed in his pockets scuffing the ground with the toes of his boots determinedly not looking in squalls direction, maybe it was because he had some sort of conscience or perhaps he was just simple but guilt was affecting him rather noticeably.

As it turns out after being washed out of the Galbadian army they had seemingly plied their trade at the mercenary game, but up against competition such as SeeD or just sheer ineptitude at soldiering they had taken any old job no matter how low or sleazy it was, kidnap was just another pay day and by the looks of them those days had been rough.

"What the fuck are you lookin' at punk" snarled Wedge through a split lip and severely blackened eye, Biggs began to shift from foot to foot as the remorse had its way with him.

All Squall could do was stare back with disdain, he actually felt pity for them and kinda wished he'd killed them when he had the chance.

Fresh moans of hurt wafting across from the stairs identified the prisoner as the one who was slouched on his knees but his arms were holding him up chained to the supporting columns on either side of him.

Squall could not tell if he was unconscious or not but he received recent abuse in the form of large purple marks and welts on his toned chest, his injuries were way beyond that of Squall's almost every inch of his skin was dented in some way and his jeans and sneakers were caked with dirt and mud.

His head hanging limp on his shoulder and covered in a burlap bag identical to his own obscured his features but something was familiar about him.

A coarse scraping noise cut through the silence as Squall looked up his features knitted with rage as he stared angrily at the man he was going to kill.

And there sat Seifer on the topmost step of the broken stairs on the left running a large whetstone across the blade of hyperion, all with that arrogant smirk plastered across his face.

The blond gave the impression of a relaxed attitude towards the show and had made certain to enjoy it while he could, glancing down at squall with nothing but contempt for him there rivalry had grown way out of just being kids that didn't agree or couldn't stop fighting, they both wanted each other dead in a serious way.

"Ha! I've finally beaten you at something eh shorty" he crowed obnoxiously,

'Typical' he thought, trust Seifer to make light on something at petty as that nothing really has changed he's still the same prick that he always was.

Squall had finally found his voice and with it came a brutal rejoinder "So it turns out you can't stand second to me can you" Seifer's smile vanished "Is this what this is about some stupid competition between us, cause if that's it you truly don't have a life"

Rage blossomed across Seifer's features, his emerald eyes flashing dangerously "What could you possibly know about having a life, you're nothing but a puppet" he spat back at him.

"You can do nothing but swallow orders and follow them like dog you are" his declaration swollen with the long held back resentment at the preferential treatment of his arch nemesis.

Squall could only stare back in disbelief "All I have ever tried to do is the right thing, how can you focus on such a paltry obsession" Seifer narrowed his eyes

"SeeDs strive to make the world a better world, we fight for those who cannot, it is against our very training and creed to seek nothing but glory"

Seifer resumed the sharpening of his blade scowling under his breath as Squall continued

"The individual accomplishments we have are due to strong teamwork and mutual trust between colleagues, our duty is to the Garden first and only" quoting the Garden charter word for word.

Seifer suddenly threw his whetstone against the floor with such force that it shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces, "Look at what your doing right now!" he screamed at him, "the fact that you can quote that crap word for word is proof enough".

"Proof of what?" Squall demanded

"That you aren't worthy of all that your given" looking back at him with rising anger edging into his voice "You have no pride or honor".

"Given? I wasn't given anything, I got everything I have through hard work and discipline, two concepts you could never get through that arrogant crust of yours you wouldn't be such a fuck up would you"

That had done it, Seifer stood up and began walking down the steps slowly his form shaking with barely harnessed fury, "how dare you speak to me like that, you of all people have no right to speak to me that way" he reached the bottom step and walked around the prisoner who had began stir slightly.

Walking towards him he felt the unmistakable rumble of magic beginning to form within Seifer "you look cold Squall" he said as his outstretched gloved hand began to glow from a light orange to a heady crimson.

Rajin and Fujin stepped out of the way just in time "I help with that shall I?" he ginned and the full blow of a fira spell hit him, agony flared within as the very bones inside him were scorched.

He had witnessed and received fira before but this was a whole different game, the intensity was so strong he blacked out for a few seconds only to be awoken by magical burns that gradually faded until there was only soreness remaining.

If a firaga spell hit him with that power behind it would have killed him, what had made him so strong? Grating unkind laughter followed "You see Squall I'm so much more now, more than you could imagine"

"You mean you're an even bigger dickhead than before" Squall muttered through the anguish.

Biggs and Wedge were gob smacked at the display, "you know what, we don't need to be here to y-ya know get in your way so we'll just leave ok" stammered Wedge in an oily voice slowly backing away.

"Stay" demanded Seifer "nobody leaves until it's over", They were not happy to hear this Wedge looked down at his feet and Biggs lip began to tremble as though he was about to cry.

Squall brought too his knees by the pain was swiftly yanked back to his feet by his two guards, "What's power without honor" wheezed squall, Seifer blanched "your powerful so what, your still a pathetic child and I pity you" Squall managed with difficulty.

At these words Seifer didn't even bother with a reply and just walked briskly raising hyperion above his head, "You end now!" he screamed in a bloodthirsty war cry as he aimed for his neck.

"No he does not" stated a cold and sinister female voice from above, the gunblade stopped millimeters from neck at her words the anger and frustration all the easy to see in his eyes at the order.

And that's when he saw her, in all her obsidian glow was the woman that had caused so much suffering in the world, and in his life too and countless others.

Ultimecia was standing on the topmost step of the right staircase wearing the most satisfied expression he had ever seen "It's not for you to decide when he dies my dear knight" smirking in a contented sort of way.

Seifer growled in frustration and reluctantly withdrew the weapon then stood back glaring at him murderously "forgive me mistress" he said with pitiful subservience showing in his voice.

"No matter, as long as you know your place" she began to walk down the steps "which is where?" the large superior smile along her thin lips growing wider.

Seifer's gaze dropping slightly and his expression softening to something akin to shame "at the foot of your bed" he replied obediently, Squall had never heard self pity sound so pronounced in someone's voice before, it was really quite jarring that someone as arrogant as Seifer could sound so wretched.

Squall leant closer to him "she keeps you on a short leash huh? What a poor little puppy you are" he sneered, Seifer's expression hardened and his face turned a trite shade of pink he blushed as the remark got to him.

"Yes I do" she answered as she had descended to their level "they become troublesome if given too much leniency" as she stood beside the prisoner.

Squall felt he might burst out laughing at this, the mighty Seifer brought down to the level of a mere pleasure slave, "So what's all this about? Why are we here?" Squall called out biting his lip to keep from grinning.

She smiled indulgently "because of you, my knight does not like you and if something makes him unhappy, I by comparison am not happy" pausing to beckon Seifer forward with a long pointy index finger.

Seifer wanted Squall dead but settled on spitting in face before returning to his mistress,

"What do you want" Squall asked as saliva slid down his cheek,

"To take away what's most important to you" Seifer had knelt beside her and she looked very pleased with herself.

Squall snorted "And what may I ask is that"

Christmas has come early for Seifer walking over to the prisoner "This" he exclaimed pulling off the bag that covered the captives face.

Squall's blood froze as he saw who had been there, suffered brutalities, torture and degradation while Squall just listened impassively.

Blond hair in his trademark plumage, slim features and a wicked tattoo over porcelain skin.

Zell Dincht it seemed was the most important thing to Squall Leonhart.

"No" Squall whispered as his chest tightened uncomfortably at the sight of Zell stirring and rattling his chains slightly at the movement, "What the fuck is this!" screamed Squall in indignation.

"A gathering perhaps" smiled Ultimecia, "always good to get together now and then" Squall felt sick….really sick, the bile was rising at the sight of such an insult to his friend's honor.

"But…..why?" demanded Squall his choler rising,

"Well I'm doing this to make him happy, got to keep my pets content or they might run away" cooed Ultimecia as she stroked the back of Seifer head affectionately, Seifer flashed the biggest shithead smug grin Squall had seen.

"Wait, what are you going to do to him?" Seifer's grin became wider "Kill him" he said simply.

Squall stared in horror as Seifer took hold of Zell's hair and slapped him repeatedly to wake him up.

With a grunt he opened his eyes groggily and managed to raise his head slightly, looking around and wincing slightly he spotted Squall and formed a weak smile.

"Yooooo Sssssquallll, wahhsup" he slurred his words like he was drunk "Hey hey eh Squall, whyru nekid man" he burst into a fit of giggles at his sentence.

Squall frowned "What did you do to him?"

"Oh just a little something to keep him lucid" said Seifer pushing a lock of stray hair out of Zell's eyes "you of all people know how overly energetic the chicken can be strutting around the place, I just grounded him keeping him in a more manageable state".

"Drugs" scowled Squall

"LSD to be precise, gotta give it to those hippies they sure know how to fuck someone up" chuckling as Zell looked at him with glazed eyes.

Before he could reply an enormous crack of thunder rocked the area and the wind returned blowing dirt and leaves into his face, as soon as it had started it was over and the hooves returned only this time Squall could see who they belonged to.

On a tiered platform high above them was Odin the GF sitting upon his massive destrier and staring down impassively at the drama unfolding below him.

Ultimecia clapped her hands and bowed to him "Our most gracious host I must thank you most generously for the use of your temple, I cannot think of a better place for our sacrifice" she simpered disgustingly.

Odin remained silent only nodding in response, Squall on the other hand could not believe it this was why it felt so familiar to be here, the time they defeated Odin was here in his temple.

"Why" he pleaded "Why are you allowing this to happen, help us please" Squall implored putting all his emotion into his words.

Odin just looked back without feeling "I belong to no one" he rumbled menacingly "consider this repayment for my services" crossing his arms across his broad armored form.

"No!" he yelled looking around desperately for some kind of salvation, Wedge had crossed his arms and looked down with his eyes closed just trying to shut out the whole ugly situation, while Biggs was on the ground and had hugged his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forward on the spot.

He glanced up at Rajin only to see a face of easy calm and a carefree grin, turning to Fujin just to receive a cold indifferent glare from the one eyed girl.

"The time has come" announced the sorceress with glee "Do it my knight and make sure to enjoy every moment" she ordered flashing pointed teeth at Seifer.

Seifer positioned himself behind Zell who was still giggling madly

"No! Please please, take me instead you don't have to do this" Squall implored desperately.

"Oh but I know" he replied "say goodbye Zell let us know what heaven's like"

Zell who was nearly out of breath could only reply with "Man wha-"

Before his words were cut short as hyperion's tip emerged through his chest then followed by a horrific gurgling sound as blood ran from his mouth.

"Squaaagggghhh" and then Squall saw the light fade from within his eyes.

His blood ran cold "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

Tangled up in his sheets Squall struggled against his captors, eventually tearing them apart in his desperation.

Sitting up and leaning over the side of the bed only to vomit all over the floor, he kept throwing up until there was nothing left in his stomach before crawling back up and leaning his back against the headboard.

Dear god it was just a dream, an incredibly real feeling dream that caused physical revulsion at the thought of it, wrapping the remains of his bed sheets around him as he fought to stop his body from shaking.

Closing his eyes he tried to clear his mind only to have the image of Zell die burn onto the back of his retinas, "just a dream" he repeated "just a dream".

Glancing at clock radio on his bedside table and checking the time "4:01" great, knowing he never get back to sleep not that he wanted to, honestly he was scared he would relive the entire thing all over again.

Taking a deep breath and gagging slight from the bile on his tongue and acutely aware of his growing need to use the toilet, he untangled himself from his sheets and padded to the attached bathroom.

After relieving a full bladder he brushed his teeth thoroughly and rinsed his mouth with mouthwash gurgling quickly as the noise reminded him of Zell's death rattle.

Splashing his face from the sink he then stared into his grey blue eyes as water dripped off the errant strands of hair framing his face "What was it all about?" he said aloud.

Zell Dincht an enthusiastic boy that just tried to make everybody happy and a close friend of his, but Squall knew that his friendship with Zell was turning into something different.

Squall had found himself more and more attached to the small martial artist every day, and caught himself staring at him during the time that they spent together.

Finding excuses just to talk to him or train together late at night, he had begun noticing how their combat styles complimented each other.

With Zell coming in and assaulting directly leaving the foe for Squall to finish off, admiring the he moved with lithe grace but startling speed and brutality not to mention the way the hair on the back of his neck stood up when Zell was truly angry and his blood was up.

He had never had these feelings about anyone before and it was a new and frankly disturbing phenomena, it somewhat took away from the lone wolf demeanor that he had carefully perfected so as to keep others from getting close to him.

Remembering what was said in the dream "What is most important to you", was it true? did Squall love Zell? a foreign concept and a ludicrous idea.

He was his friend it didn't go any further than that, covering his face with his hands he sighed as he felt the beginnings of a headache creep across his temples.

He removed his hands and looked at his reflection only to see a blood stained Zell looking back with cold dead eyes in an accusing stare.

Squall screamed and slipped on the tiles banging his head against the door, shakily getting to his feet he cautiously looked over the vanity seeing nothing but a scared version of him peering back.

He ran into the living room and bolted out the door after grabbing the all purpose skeleton key card that was issued to him when he became commander, he had to know if Zell was alright he felt a tightness in his chest and a strong urge to cry.

Squall had been kidding himself and the feelings that had been growing over the past years, he did love him more than anything he could imagine.

Skidding around the corner and running to Zell's dorm, jamming the keycard in and fumbling with the doorknob he burst into his room.

The room was pitch black compared to the soft lighting of the garden hallways, walking blindly arms outstretched he found Zell's bedroom and opened it softly creeping in as best he could.

Unfortunately he didn't see Zell's T-board leaning against his bed and tripped over it landing with a loud thud on the floor of his immaculate room.

Zell who would seem somewhat careless when it came to some duties was somewhat different at night as he was a light sleeper,

"Neh, wha wha I'm up, oo's there?" as he scrabbled for the lamp on his dresser drawer, turning it on and looking around blinking rapidly to try and clear his vision and ready himself for a possible fight.

Looking down only to see Squall in a heap on his floor staring back at him in embarrassment,

"Squall?" he blinked "What are you doing on my floor?" he asked sleepily.

Squall stood up quickly rubbing the back of his neck and looking sheepish "I uh…had a dream" he replied lamely.

"OK and?"

"You were in it, we were in it" feeling more and more stupid by the second.

Zell narrowed his eyes "so you came down here at.." Pausing to glance at the clock "4:30 in the morning to tell me about a dream?" peering questioningly at him.

"Well it felt really real you know and I just …." trailing off as he realized how cute Zell looked in his green and white striped pajamas and sleep mussed hair all messy and stuck up, Squall felt a bizarre urge to brush it out of the way of his eyes.

Zell suddenly yawned and shook his head to try and wake up, "well couldn't it wait till morning?" he asked as he pulled off the covers and moved so that he was leaning against the headboard in a further attempt to wake up.

"There was something else I needed to tell you" Squall started as his palms began to sweat, he hastily wiped them on his pant legs.  
"Hm" replied Zell who closed his eyes and lifted his knees up to his chest so his arms were leaning on them, Squall suddenly felt guilty about waking him up so early.

"I like you Zell" feeling butterflies swim in his stomach and his heart began to beat faster,

Zell opened an eye and peered at him quizzically "I know, I like you too that's why were friends" failing to stifle a huge yawn that erupted from within.

What I mean is that I feel like I lo …." Trailing off as Zell had begun to nod his head back and forward in a way that Squall found adorable.

"I mean, I uh…" playing with the loose hem on his pajama bottoms he realized he couldn't take much of this anymore.

"C'mon Squall, what's on your mind baby" Zell said growing impatient,

Squall's heart skipped a beat at this and responded by leaping at Zell, pinning him to the headboard and kissing him furiously.

The closest Squall could describe this as was heaven which was made even better by the fact that his feelings were finally being set free, he was kissing the person he loved most.

He had never experienced anything as good as this felt right now, such passion and even desperation was being poured into this contact.

He would've kept going but he needed to breathe, he released Zell and gazed into his electric blue eyes which were now widened with shock "I love you" he murmured cupping his face and running his thumb over his tattoo.

Zell could only stare back in amazement into his grey blue ones, "That's quite an honor Squall" he said in a bemused fashion.

Pausing for a few seconds "but I just don't feel what you feel man" he said gazing uncomfortably up at him.

Squall froze in horror, feeling sick again he scrambled off him and on to his two feet slowly backing away "I'm sorry Zell I …." then ran to the door and out into the corridor.

He could here Zell calling after him "Squall wait don't go!"

Squall just kept running trying so hard to stop the hurt from welling up inside, running until back in his room slamming the door then falling against it and sobbing madly.

Total rejection, from the one person he had ever opened up to, it just hurt so much a horrible aching within like his very heart was within a vice.

He had to make it go away as he looked over and saw his gunblade case, walking over to it kneeling then opening it, running his fingers over the emblem of Griever emblazoned on its side.

Emptiness and despair was all that filled him, but Zell was the only thing on his mind as picked up the gunblade and ran it across his wrists.

The punching bag was being brutalized severely, almost being thrown off its hinges by fierceness of Zell's punches.

He was pissed off, with himself mainly due to what he said was so insensitive to Squall and the way he hadn't seen it sooner.

Cursing himself for the thousandth time at what a jerk he was he finally kicked the bag so hard it's seem had split spilling sand all over the floor.

"Fuck" he shouted in rage at the mess he now had to clean up.

Staring down at the sand piling on the floor he was reminded of an hourglass and the rapidity of the sand pouring gave him chills though he had no idea why.

So Squall was gay, Ok but why for him? Zell didn't think much of himself but when Squall had kissed him it didn't necessarily feel bad.

He sighed discontentedly and looked around his room, noticing that Squall had forgotten to take his keycard with him, checking the clock it was 5:01.

He stripped off his glove got changed and headed out the door with the card, mulling over what he was going to say to him when he saw him, how do you fix something this complicated?.

Almost passing his door without realizing it he stopped just before entering, taking a deep breath he pushed the card in only to find it wasn't locked. Odd he thought.

He stepped inside "Look Squall I'm sorry about what I said can we ta…" but then stopped as the smell of copper and the sight of his best friend unconscious and bleeding from the wounds on his wrists which had stained the gunblade and the carpet around his body.

Ice ran down his spine "Oh no no no, please man no" he panicked as he fell to the floor and checked Squall's pulse, it was incredibly weak and he was still bleeding.

"Shit Squall don't die on me man, I not worth it" he begged as he wrapped the torn pieces of sheeting around the cuts to stop the bleeding.

He then lifted the limp form of Squall onto his shoulders and moved as quickly as the weight of carrying him would allow in the direction of the infirmary.

All he could do was pray that it wasn't too late.

To be continued…………

Whooooaaaa, cliffhanger bet you weren't expecting that.

I wrote this story because I was inspired by orange box portal, I don't get it either.

Also I have discovered that I am a total review whore and if you don't review I will hunt you down.

I am actually not quite sure where I want it to go so any ideas would be appreciated.

Go Aussie yaaaaaaarrrrgrgggrgrrh!


	2. Chapter 2

Dedicated still to my beloved Astarte Lea whose cold shoulder is giving me frostbite, even though I am madly and desperately in love with her, I hope this makes up for my stupidness.

Fateful resolutions

Chapter 2

Kicking in the infirmary door after dragging a heavy Squall from the dorms proved to be no easy feat, as Zell was almost out of breath, his back ached and he felt a tightness across his the muscles in his chest.

Arms sore and legs shaking from strain Zell struggled to pull Squall onto a gurney in an empty treatment room "Help! Somebody help please!".

His screaming had awoken Dr Kadowaki, who bustled into the room cautiously while tying her tartan dressing gown around her waist "Zell? what's the meaning of this? she demanded before spotting the failing Squall draped across Zell's front.

On cue she automatically helped him push Squall onto the bed and began checking his stats "What happened?" she demanded quickly.

"I think he slit his wrists" Zell replied sadly as he stood back and let her do her thing.

She checked his forearms "The cuts are too deep, I'll need to operate on him" she said as she keyed the intercom for medical aides and put on a large surgical apron.

"Is there anything I can do" plied Zell from out of the way.

Dr Kadowaki turned and gave him a stressed look "You'd do more harm than good I'm afraid Zell" she replied pityingly as she reached for a tray of rubber gloves.

The infirmary door slammed open and three mid level SeeD med students rushed into the room bleary eyed and tousle haired, Kadowaki barked out terse orders and had them push Squall into the operating theatre.

"Zell…" she started turning around and pinning her hair back, Zell looked back expectantly, she looked as if she was going to say something but thought better of it and strode into the ward, double doors clanging shut and the red operating light blinked on.

Zell stared miserably at the red light that seemed to be mocking him with its brightness, he had never felt so helpless before, an injured friend and he could do nothing but wait for the results.

He wandered over to the doctor's desk and flopped down in her chair, leaning back and rubbing his temples slowly he felt a sudden weariness come over him. Thinking over what had happened, Squall liked him, Ok….he could handle that, but an infatuation that would drive someone to commit suicide?

He frowned at the thought, but why? , Squall didn't talk much, or smile, or laugh, come to think of it the only time he truly expressed himself was when he was fighting.

That wicked gleam within his grey eyes, his stance that of a predator that's found it's prey, the only time he ever smiled or laughed.

Zell smiled slightly at the way he would get excited before training or a mission, It wasn't something you could see automatically, you had to know him as a friend, one of the very few he was close with.

Just a slight bounce in the way he walked, a certain lightness in the way he talked, or even the fact that he was talking at all, it was rare for him to socialize with others unless it was absolutely necessary.

Was it just him he talked to in this way? the recent events seemed to corroborate the hypothesis, still it was hard for Zell to wrap his mind around the fact he was desired by his commander, could he return the feelings that Squall felt for him?.

Zell had had very few relationships in his life, many people seeing him as a sort of baby, someone to be cared for, girls did not take him as a serious partner, and all he ever did was try his best to make a good impression on people, what a royal backfire that turned out to be, it's true that nice guys finish last he thought bitterly.

Squall was the only person that truly saw him as a friend and seemed to enjoy his company more than anyone, Selphie was like talking to a caffeinated crack addict, Quistis was like talking to a stern mother, Irvine a horny teenager which he was, and Seifer did not talk so much as make excuses to tell him he was worth absolute shit.

Rinoa was not around anymore, her relationship with Squall had dissolved mysteriously four months ago, Squall never mentioned it and everytime the conversation was directed towards it, he steered it elsewhere, or found an excuse to change the subject.

Zell chuckled lightly as he realized what was probably the reason why things hadn't worked out, he wondered if she was as surprised as he was when she found out, he really had never had any strong feelings for her, what was a nice friendly girl had turned ugly over the course of the friendship between all of them.

She seemed to regard everyone around her with a sort of uppity superiority, he felt as if she looked down on him throughout their conversations, posturing and her tone and manner of speech around him could be construed as hostile, it was Zell in particular who earned the most scorn from her.

He shrugged slightly and slouched low into the seat putting his feet on the desk, crossing his arms he glanced back at the operating room and the red light had not wavered, still glowing an ominous red, what would seem like a bad omen.

Zell closed his eyes to the blaring admonition of superstition, he scolded himself silently for such foolishness, and he didn't believe in that crap, simpleminded people needing an excuse for all the bad things in there lives.

He despised religion, seeing it as a waste of time, the number of wars fought in it's name and the sheer stupidity of the conflict was staggering, the further from it all the better. But it was now that he realized the reason turn to it all, in desperation people sought release, a way to escape from all their woes and troubles, religion is just another escape, he thought with a grim finality.

He really didn't know anybody who was involved deeply within religion, of course his ma had brought him up believing in hyne, a sort of patron deity but nothing more than a mythical being who supposedly created mankind.

Come to think of it he knew nothing about it other than the name and its status within mythology, he made a mental note to go to the library later and do some research, better yet he could arrange a class assignment on it and have the students do it for him.

One of the younger classes perhaps, the kids who were always so eager to over exert themselves on simple subjects rather than take their time and be thorough, the more he thought about it the better an idea it became.

With the mid term assignment for his earlier classes dealt with he then begrudgingly thought about the huge stack of papers that needed to be marked and graded, just thinking about them made his head ache, it was undoubtedly the worst part of teaching.

He stretched out his arms and laced his fingers to crack his knuckles, wincing as he felt the joints in his arms crack and pop, his forearms and back hurt from carrying Squall, and the burning in his chest felt a little better though.

Crossing his arms once more he closed his eyes and pondered what was going to happen next, Squall suicidal over me, the thought made a sudden tide of weariness wash over him.

His eyes stinging he rubbed at them half heartedly though inside he willed sleep to come, the pain and shock of what had happened today was truly draining, that and he realized he was hungry just as a loud and painful rumble ran through his stomach.

As he was thinking of what to have for breakfast the light above the operating room winked off, and a moment later Dr Kadowaki trundled out of the room and was peeling off her bloodied rubber gloves, she was followed by the three students who looked a little worse for wear but in good spirits, one of them to Zell's horror had blood spattered on his scrubs, and a large smear on his cheek where he caught some in the face and tried to wipe it off.

He jumped out of the seat and started towards Kadowaki who had just began to untie her surgical apron "Well… how is he" trying vainly to keep the worry out of his voice.

She merely looked up at him, her expression unreadable "We just made it, he is serious but stable, and he managed to avoid any serious tendon damage, your lucky Zell, if you got here any later we may not have been to do anything"

Zell felt a tide of relief wash over him, feeling his legs and arms shaking, he stumbled backwards and flopped into the chair "Thank god…." He murmured as he closed his eyes and rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Kadowaki bundled up her apron and threw it into a washing basket full of dirty clothes "Zell do you know why he did this?" she asked plainly giving him an inquisitive look.

Zell dropped his hands and gazed at the checkered tiles, he knew exactly why or he thought he did at least, but was it really his place to tell her or anyone about him and Zell.

While weighing up the consequences in his head he noticed the three med students were hanging around and looking at him in curious expectation, he huffed angrily "Do they have somewhere they need to be?" looking to Kadowaki grumpily.

She turned to them "Your jobs are done, and I expect a full report on the manner of surgery and injury" she said sternly.

They shuffled out of the room sullenly casting treasonous looks towards Zell as they left.

"And I want it done by tomorrow afternoon!" she called to them as the door began to swing shut.

"They won't tell anyone will they?" inquired Zell worriedly.

She shook her head "They know the rules of patient doctor confidentiality better than anyone, if it does find it's way out and they are to blame their degrees are forfeit" she replied conversationally "But you still haven't answered my question Zell, Do you know why?"

He merely looked back at her "No".

She did not look satisfied but didn't push it "Alright then, well in any case he's not ready for visitors, if you want to see him your best to come back this afternoon" she finished as she made her way over to the sink in the corner and washed her hands.

He sighed dejectedly and began to close his eyes once more.

"Zell don't hang around here" she began as she shooed him out her chair "Go get something to eat, spend time with friends, do something constructive to take your mind off it all, it will drive you insane if fret about this, he's not going anywhere and I'm looking after him, so relax" she finished as she sat down and shuffled the papers on her desk "and take a shower, you smell" she winked at him.

Despite himself he smiled "Thanks for everything".

She waved him away "Don't give me that, It's my job, now go Zell I'm starting to suffocate from your stink".

He grinned and left the infirmary, he shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered down the long stretch of the infirmary corridor, the thought began to swirl once more and he decided to take her advice and eat something, changing direction he headed to the cafeteria.

As he entered he noticed that hot dogs were actually available, glancing at his watch it was only six and seeing as it was a Saturday everybody was still in bed and sleeping in, and noticing there were only a couple of people at the tables, he bee lined it to the counter and piled his plate high.

Plunking himself down on a seat at a table near a corner, he rubbed his hands together and lifted the first on to his mouth, a large chilli dog covered in cheese, opening his maw as he was about to destroy said dog he stopped.

He had only just realized that there was a large red bloodstain on his hand, there was more on his palms and a red crust on the fine hair of his arms, there was even some congealed gunk under his finger nails.

He put the hotdog down not even feeling remotely hungry anymore, and beginning to feel the slight pangs of nausea begin to shudder over him, and then he noticed that Seifer was sitting near the other end of the hall along with Fujin and Rajin, he was talking animatedly and gesticulating wildly with his hands, only to then burst out laughing and bang the table loudly as his friends joined in. Seifer's booming laugh was grating his nerves and he felt his nausea begin to get worse.

"Heya Zelly!!" he heard from behind him and he jumped in surprise..

Selphie strutted over to him and stood before him swinging a pair of shorter nunchuaks in a figure eight pattern, they were the pair the he had gotten her for her birthday, she had taken to practicing with them all the time, even when it was deemed inappropriate "Zelllliiieee, whatchaaaa doiiiinn?" she chirruped happily, bouncing around to the opposite side of the table with that trademark Selphie grin.

"Oh hey Selph' " he muttered half heartedly while trying desperately to keep the bile from rising in his throat.

Selphie frowned "Gee enthusiastic much" she sighed as she swung the nunchuaks in a more complicated pattern all around her "What's wrong with little Zelly? Hmmmm?" she cooed.

"Nothing …Well a lot of things, I'm not feeling well I guess" he replied as he rubbed his stomach in an unsuccessful attempt to calm the queasiness inside.

"Oh poor baby…Want me to cheer you up?" she said smiling at him having had stopped swinging and braced the chuks in front of her in both hands, before she glanced down and noticed the blood on his hands or arms "What happened? Did you cut yourself?" she looked worried.

"No, It's nothing" he replied annoyed at the situation.

"Hmmm can I help anyway?" she inquired.

"I don't think there is much you can do" he gripped the table and began to breathe rhythmically.

"Poo! Your no fun!" she replied and resumed swinging only to knock over a large plastic cup of orange juice and have it go all over the table, by a narrow margin missing his tray of beloved dogs, she stopped swinging catching the sticks neatly and looked between Zell and the mess with a guilty look on her face.

All Zell could do was glare at her, relishing her uncomfortable squirming as his angry look was directed at her, she was about to reply when he held up a bloodstained hand and simply said "Just get some napkins and clean it up please" he huffed.

Selphie brightened up immediately and her face split into a large grin "Okaaaaay" she whooped and bounded off towards the cafeteria counter, neatly dodging the tables in her way.

Zell sighed and glanced towards Seifer once more, who was now enthusiastically arm wrestling Rajin, while a bored Fujin watched and toyed with the salt shaker, his upset stomach reach the pinnacle when Seifer won and boomed victoriously.

Zell got up and walked towards the bathrooms, feeling like he was definitely going to puke, he managed to make it to the sinks and gripped the counter barely repressing the dry heaves wracking his body. He looked at his hands and hurriedly washed all the blood off him, and watched as the dark crimson rivulets swirled and went down the drain, then he splashed some water on his face 'Was it the blood that caused it?' he mused to himself grabbing a hand towel from nearby and pressing his face dry, he had seen blood thousands of times before and never had this reaction before 'Why now?'.

He put the towel back and looked into the mirror before him, only to see Squall in the reflection staring back at him, his wrists freshly lacerated and blood covering his hands, the same look of desire on his face as when he had kissed him, then Zell blinked and it was replaced by his own reflection staring back blankly. 'What the hell!' the image was only there a second but it shook him to the core, 'what's happening to me?' he shook his head and left the bathroom rather than ponder this and drive himself insane.

Feeling slightly less sick and with his appetite returned, he meandered his way back to the table, to find Selphie sitting at the table munching delightedly at a piece of toast and was simultaneously swinging her nunchuaks haphazardly in one hand above her head while receiving nervous glances from a nearby cafeteria staff who was cleaning a table.

Looking down at the table he saw that she had made a very poor effort at cleaning up, most likely distracted by the toast on display, he gave her sour look that she did not see as she was now humming happily with her eyes closed and chewing more slowly.

He huffed and finished the job cleaning the large orange splotches that she had missed which were quite a few, when he finished he sat down and took a bite of his dog which had grown luke warm, wrinkling his nose at the waste in it's piping hot freshness.

Selphie finished the last piece of her toast and put down her sticks and was now in the act of helping her self to another piece of buttered toast and dipping her knife into a large jar and spreading a thick black spread on all over it, Zell caught a whiff of whatever it was and tasted a strong tangy smell.

"What is that stuff?" he asked her curiously.

"Yummy to the max!" she replied simply as she made sure to get it into the corners and the very edges so that no part of the toast was not covered.

"Apparently so, but what's it called?"

"Vegemite" she said just before taking a bite and closing her eyes with relish and moaning slightly "Want some?" she held out the slice of toast to him.

He took it and tentatively took a small bite, and almost retched as an explosion of salt and a yeasty flavour hit his tongue and made the glands on either side of his neck twitch uncomfortably. "What the hell! How can you eat that stuff?" as he passed it back and took a large drink of orange juice to get rid of the aftertaste that refused to leave his mouth.

She grinned devilishly as she promptly folded the toast in half "Lightweight, It's freaking awesome!" then stuffed the whole thing in her mouth and chewed animatedly while continuing her grin.

He shuddered and tried to rub the tasted off his tongue with the hem of his shirt "No it's not! it tastes like spreadable beer!"

"Yeah it's great huh?" she said between mouthfuls.

"No!" he replied trying in vain to drown out the taste with a large chilli dog with Tabasco poured copiously upon it "Where did you get it anyway?"

She rolled her eyes and spread another one "A continent way to the south, it's made from a yeast extract, the people there can't remember their own national anthem but they all know the song to the commercial!" she said and took another bite.

Zell gave her a weird look while putting mustard on a fresh dog, then she started singing softly to herself _"Were all happy little Vegemites, as bright as bright can be, we all enjoy our vegemites for breakfast, lunch and tea…." _

It was only after Zell threatened to take away her nunchuaks that she stopped singing and returned to humming.

It was a good breakfast, Selphie spent the rest of the time yammering on about the new festival that was coming up and asking for new ideas and discouraging most them in favor of stuff she had previously thought up. He discussed the idea of fitting the students with the hyne assignment.

"I know a couple of good references that Quisty gave me once, except I've forgotten them" she grinned sheepishly as she pushed her empty crumb laden plate forwards and rested her hand on her stomach before belching loudly, she was still swinging her nunchuaks in one hand, but the swings were lazy and erratic.

Zell wiped the smear of mustard off his mouth, smiled and shook his head slowly "You're a real encyclopedia of knowledge selph" he said with a laugh.

"But you know you love me" she winked.

"Hmm, well I know I'm full, and I'm gonna try and walk this meal off" he said pushing himself to his feet and stretching "Coming?" he nodded to her.

She shook her head "I'm kinda sleepy, might take a nap" she yawned languidly.

"It's nine in the morning!" he exclaimed with an incredulous look.

"Yeah night night" she giggled.

"Later Selph" he chuckled and walked towards the exit, glancing over towards Seifer only made him angry, and Siefer caught his look giving him a nasty grin in return, feeling his anger get worse he walked quicker towards the exit.

Out in the open atrium he wandered around the circular walkway hands shoved in his pockets, gazing listlessly at the water and wondering how Squall was doing, realizing he wasn't supposed to be thinking about him he looked for the nearest distraction.

He walked past the library, books aren't what he needed, meandered past the garage, not the time for a paddock bash, he strolled past the training area, perfect!.

Lots of sweat, pain and exertion are the perfect things to break this depressive state, as he jogged lightly into the complex, breathing the heady smell of jungle, humidity and various animals he stretched out his arms and neck and began his hunt.

He wandered around in frustration for a good part, they must be sensing how pissed off he was and hid themselves well, Zell was not happy about this, he pummeled his way through bush after bush before coming across a lonely grat, hardly a worth challenge but he didn't care much.

He walked a little up behind it and kicked a rock at his feet, it flew straight and hit the grat square in the back, startled the grat squawked a challenge and raced over to him, Zell grinned and sidestepped the whistling vines it swung at him and hammered it with a right hook to it's head thing or whatever it was.

Turns out punching it just makes it angrier and it flailed closer to him, ducking another desperate thrash of it's vines and gave a swift sturdy boot to the lower part of it's body, it began to tire and get weaker in it's attacks, Zell grinned triumphantly "That can't be all you've got! Come on!" he called bouncing lightly on the soles of his feet.

Sensing it's own imminent destruction the grat gave one final push for victory, only to have Zell trip it and lay a powerful stomp to it's midsection, giving off one final gurgling cry it died and it's vines ceased swishing.

Zell panted slightly and caught a breather with his hands on his hips, he wrinkled his nose at the growing stench coming from the grats corpse, it's flesh was gradually putrefying into a liquidized plant based mush that was rapidly congealing over the dirt floor only to have large amount of bugs and various insects to begin feeding on it.

Making a disgusted Zell moved on, after fifteen minutes the adrenaline in his system was beginning to wear off and his limbs began to feel heavy, cursing under his breath he redoubled his efforts to find something else to kill.

From up ahead he heard the sounds of a scuffle and the familiar sound of rifle being fired, smiling to himself Zell raced into the edge of a large clearing, three grats were harassing a lone figure in cowboy gear who danced between the feeble attacks given by the ailing grats.

In less than a second the cowboy released three shots with the flick of his wrist, killing two outright and severely wounding the third, looking immensely pleased with himself the cowboy then strutted over to the dying grat replacing the depleted shells from his rifle as he went, standing over the grat which was now desperately trying to escape him by dragging itself across the dirt. The cowboy snapped the gun back into it's loaded position and cocked it, the grat was gurgling up at him pathetically when he planted a boot on it's sternum and shot it in the head, his coup de grace sent dead grat flying all over the place and spattered his jacket with crud, Irvine then looked up and gave Zell a smile "It's getting too easy man!" he called as he brushed himself down.

Zell smiled back strolling over to him neatly stepping over a grat carcass "True I guess are you bored?"

"Not really, but I feel I'm not challenged enough as it is, But that must be the price of being supremely awesome!" he remarked kicking the corpse at his feet slightly.

"You sound like Selphie"

"My one true love has a way of leaving her mark on you, doesn't she" he noted as a dreamy expression came over his face.

Zell chuckled " Dude let's go find one of those rexes, their always fun" said Zell loosening out his shoulders once more, Irvine replaced another shell and cocked his rifle "Indubitably old chap" he said with the air of an old game hunter.

They spent the rest of the day destroying anything that came upon their path and almost killed two students when they mistook them for monsters, and recuing three more that had become overwhelmed by the ferocity of the inhabitants of the training area, after close to five hours of violence and hunting tactics they came across a rexaur snuffling at the underbrush in a clearing just ahead of them.

They had both decided on a pincer attack, and to bottle it in where they could come at it from both sides, Irvine made his way around to it's rear and fired a trio of shots at it's back and tail, lumbering around the rexaur saw Ivine and bellowed a challenge that sent various birds in the canopy of trees above them flying away in panic.

While it snapped at Irvine, Zell began to power up some of his most devastating fire and electrical attacks, letting lose with his potent magic his attacks scored large weeping furrows in the huge lizards back and flanks, unfortunately this had only made it angrier and Zell soon realized that sheer brute force would be the only thing to take it down.

He had to roll suddenly as it's tail almost crushed him flat, scrambling to his feet he readied a new attack only to feel a burning heat course over him, "Offensive magic!?" he snarled, no… it wasn't painful but invigorating, the heat in his body increased and soon every nerve and limb was coursing with molten tingling fire.

Before he could rationalize it he felt a fury start to envelop his conscious mind, the affect was intoxicating, his every thought began to turn to bloodlust and destruction, his mind was a war machine and his body it's outlet, the last thought was that Irvine must of cast it on him before he surrendered to the rage pouring into his soul and reenergizing his fatigued limbs and weary mind.

He had become a berserker, most of the time it was a spell used in only the most dire of circumstances, when nothing but anger and hatred could win a battle, most people he knew didn't like the loss of control it cast upon them, but Zell was the exception to that, his style of fighting suited it perfectly and he never needed to think about his next attack unlike those constrained by weapons, berserk fueled his talent and maximized their efficiency and power tenfold.

Roaring in defiance Zell leapt at his target and hammered several blows into the rexaurs back legs, relishing the cracks and splintering sounds of bone being broken under his assault, the rexaur gave an earths shaking cry of anguish and had to kneel an rear back, giving just enough time for Irvine to unload a large caliber round of buckshot into it's exposed underbelly.

It gave another cry and fell onto it's side still snapping at Irvine feebly, Zell gave a feral grin and a bloodcurdling war as he dove over the prone beast and repeatedly belted the back of it's leathery, sinewy neck losing all conscious thought Zell did not stop punching even as he became aware that the vertebrae in it's neck had separated and the rexaur was quite dead.

Hearing faint echoes of a familiar voice in the back of his mind he repressed them and continued, only when a serene light cool moisture flowed over him did his mind returned to fully cognitive thought.

"Zell!" shouted Irvine as he took hold of Zell's arm and shook him roughly, feeling dazed Zell gazed at him as if waking out of a pleasant dream "What..?" he mumbled only half understanding the words coming out of his mouth "Wass wrong?".

Irvine looked unnerved and troubled "Zell what the hell happened man? You spazzed out really bad back there".

Gradually his mind became clear, and what happened to him was becoming more and more apparent, shaking his head he looked at Irvine swaying slightly "Did I? oh okay".

He stretched and yawned and began a march to the exit "By the way thanks for casting a berserk, it helped a lot" only to stop walking and turn when he realized Irvine hadn't moved from his spot.

Irvine still had the troubled look on his face "I didn't cast berserk Zell" he said slowly.

Zell was confused "C'mon man, then what did you do".

The look Irvine gave him was frightening "Nothing…".

Zell scoffed "Then what happened?" he said with his hands on his hips.

He continued the look "I don't know, but berserk doesn't do that.." he said pointing at the carcass of the recently deceased rexaur.

Zell felt himself go numb at the sight of it, it wasn't that it was dead, hell he'd have killed hundreds and never thought anything of it, It was what Zell had done to the corpse that was frightening. Huge chunks of flesh had been ripped out by what appeared to be bare hands, the throat had been ripped out completely and the head was attached to the body in only the most loose sense of the word, a lone sliver of muscle and tendon stretched taut was the only thing connecting the head to it's body. Parts of the head and particularly it's jaws had been mauled, and a number of it's teeth cracked or torn out completely, a small bloodstained pile of them lay just beneath the shattered muzzle, Zell felt the on comings of nausea once more as he noticed it's reptilian eyes had been gouged out with brutal force. The chest of the great lizard was open to the air, it's large tree limb like ribs cracked open with muscle and viscera hanging in lank dripping steaks, almost all of the organs had been ruptured and the heart was missing completely, he found it a few meters away lying in the dust currently being attacked by a line of ants, with horror he saw what looked to be human bite marks all over it, and felt another retch when he licked his lips and tasted bitter copper all over his mouth, the heart had been completely drained.

Spitting and desperately wiping most of what he could find off his mouth, he tried to make sense of the situation, a spontaneous berserk, such a thing had never been seen before, but this was far beyond berserk, berserk only amplified combat strength and took away all other thought making magic and the use of GFs impossible. Berzerk could not have caused this butchery, the effect is meant to wear off after the foe is defeated, it's a textbook combat spell, and the strength is only amplified slightly, what Zell did to the cadaver would have needed saws and rib spreaders, 'no…this is much more', he tried to remember any of the details but all he drew was a wave of red and the faint echo of a scream of rage.

"I …don't remember" he said closing his eyes and rubbing them with one hand.

"I cast three esunas on you man, and none of them helped slightly, I had to stand back and let it finish on it's own" Irvine explained as he put a hand on Zell's shoulder to steady him "Whatever it is it isn't magic".

Feeling exhaustion and a ravenous hunger envelop him, Zell blinked a few times and yawned "I'm too tired to think about this right now, and I need food too".

Irvine shrugged "Good idea man, I'll see you later" he replied taking off his hat and staring at the rexaur corpse which was now being eaten by various scavengers and carrion feeders.

Zell began a brisk walk back to the entrance trying desperately not to think about what happened, he arrived at the entrance to the training area and caught his reflection in the burnished steel wall just outside the entrance, he was completely covered in blood and filth, congealed black blood coated his face and neck so thickly that when he turned his neck it cracked and flaked away slightly.

He sighed and kept walking, feeling slight relish at the looks on the faces of students as he walked the pathway to the cafeteria, even those weird garden faculty who were usually stoic and impassive turned at the sight of him. He redoubled his pace and almost ran into the cafeteria, as usual the hotdogs were gone, feeling glad that he stocked up this morning he grabbed a tuna sandwich a meat pie and a soda, he threw himself down at a table and scoffed through them like a man possessed, he had no intention of hanging around here while people gawked at him like a sideshow.

Though it did give him satisfaction to see the shocked look on Seifer's face as he walked, chuckling to himself as he walked out of the cafeteria, wondering what to do as he made his way down the hallway to the atrium, a gust of wind blew over him and he noticed the rank smell he had accrued, he stank before but he was like an open grave now.

Jogging as quickly as he could back to his dorm, and shedding his clothes as he mad e his way to the bathroom, he bathed himself thoroughly, taking extra care to wash the congealed gunk out of his hair and clip and sanitize his fingernails.

Brushing his teeth and changing into new clothes, Zell felt newer and better than he had for a while.

It was when he wandered into the lounge room and saw his punching bag with the broken seam still hanging there, suddenly the happy and contented feeling was replaced by thoughts of Squall and what had happened. Zell thought about cleaning up the mess but couldn't be bothered and on impulse he decided to go to Squalls room.

The five minutes it took to get to Squalls room was not pleasant, a tension that should not have been there, and upon entering Squalls room he noticed the coppery smell was still there, and it was almost unbearable. The carpeted floor in front of Squall's gunblade case had been completely soaked through, there was a puddle of vomit next to Squalls bed, and the gunblade was smeared with rivulets of dried blood, Zell had seen far too much blood today and he was getting tired of it.

It took twenty minutes to get the blood out of the carpet, but even then a large burgundy stain marred the area around his dresser, and he had real difficulty getting the puke out, he cleaned it alright but the smell would remain and he'd have to come back. Feeling slightly better Zell then turned to the gunblade still lying on the floor, it looked truly pitiful lying all alone on the floor, Zell felt a slight pang of pity for such a majestic weapon looking so poorly, Zell picked it up reverently and placed it on squall's bed, and then looked through the gunlade case for cleaning and maintenance equipment, It took close to half an hour to clean every part and oil it properly and Zell felt pride in himself as he saw himself in the polished mirror finish.

'I hope he likes it's' Zell thought as he handled it and checked all it's little features and aspects, he was about to put it back in it's case when he noticed and engraving in the haft just below the emblazoned image of Griever was the word '_Zell_', he blinked feeling truly touched at it as his face became quite warm, finding a smile on his face as he placed the weapon back in it's felt casing.

Closing the case he glanced at the ominous stain on the floor again, and he began to worry again, he glanced at his watch 4:01, packing up the case and putting it away he picked himself up and left for the infirmary.

Should be late enough he thought as he strolled down the corridor that he had only this morning hefted a failing squall, that thought itself made him move double quick down the passageway.

Arriving at twenty past he ambled into Kadowaki's office, she looked up as he entered and smiled at him, "How is he" he said trying and failing to keep the concern out of his voice.

She lowered her glasses of her nose and closed the folder she had been writing in "He's fine but he's been sleeping all day".

Zell sighed in relief at the news "Can I see him?"

"Course you can, come on then" she said with a smile and got to he feet and lead him to Squall's bed "Now don't stress him out and try not to wake him, I'll be outside if you need anything" she said as she bustled out of the room.

Zell stood there for a few moments just looking at the prone and sleeping form of Squall, he noticed a padded chair next to the window, he very quietly picked the chair up and moved it around the bed so he could sit next to the bed facing the open window, sitting down he felt himself relax slightly.

He felt contented at the moment, and he noticed how peaceful and picturesque Squall looked lying in bed with the soft afternoon playing over his face, 'Did he really love him' was the only thing going through his head, It was as he was thinking this he noticed that Squall's hair was covering his face, and Zell very carefully and lightly brushed Squalls bangs away. Zell stopped and hardly believed he just did that, lowering his hand he inadvertently placed it on Squalls, Squall did not stir so Zell pushed his luck by gently stoking his hand, it seemed the gloves that Squall always wore worked quite well, Zell was amazed by how soft his skin was. Soon Zell found himself admiring Squall in a way he never had before, the way the light shined off his soft silky skin making it glow, the way his slim chest rose and fell with each breath and the accompanying near silent sigh that came with it.

Before he knew what he was doing he had reached out and was lightly stroking his cheek and he was staring at Squalls lips, when Squall kissed him it did feel good even if it was a little shocking, 'did I really just think that' he thought to himself incredulously, and he just realized he was lightly brushing his fingertips against squalls lips, it had only just occurred to him that it had been a very long time since anyone had kissed him and even though Squall was not the first person to come to mind it was reassuring to think that Squall had genuine feelings for him.

Zell had made up his mind, he stood up slowly and leaned towards Squall with one knee on the bed and bracing himself by placing a hand over the other side of Squalls head, he placed a hand over Squalls cheek, tilted his head and kissed him lightly, it felt pretty good even if he was kissing a guy, but then again Squall was his best friend and it was only just a brief pressing of lips.

He stopped and pulled back slightly only to feel and hand on the back of his head, and Squall staring him right in the eyes, Zell felt a jolt of fear pulse through him at this, and desperately racked his brain for an excuse, the only thing he could muster was a lame "uh…sorry"

Squalls eyes narrowed "Only if you didn't mean it, and if you are teasing me I will kill you" he rumbled, his voice still thick with drowsiness.

Zell blinked "I'm not sure what I feel though" he said with his nervousness quite apparent.

Squall smiled slightly "Lets find out then shall we?" he purred as nimble fingers threaded through Zells platinum locks and he gently pulled him in for another, Squall made sure that Zell understood this time exactly what Squall wanted, where before it pure emotional expression of love for him, this was nothing less than pure lust and desire.

Squall had gradually and deviously pulled Zell onto the bed where he eventually had him straddled over his hips, and was slowly grinding zell into the raging hard on he had developed, it was a full twenty minutes before Squall needed a rest from plundering Zell's mouth quite thoroughly. Zell perched on top of him looked a little at unease, but Squall was careful not to push to far and made sure he was comfortable. Zell was still a little stunned by what had happened, but all it took was another look amorous look from Squall to know this wasn't a joke "You were awake when I walked weren't you?".

Squall just grinned "Yes, but are you surprised?"

"A little I've been stressing about this all day" said Zell as he repositioned himself slightly, his resultant movements causing Squall to groan in pleasure "So where are we in this?" he said leaning back.

Squall was about to reply when a loud crash from the waiting room made them both turn followed by a loud scream "I DON'T CARE ABOUT PROCEDURE! I WANT TO SEE SQUALLY!!!!".

Horrified they looked at each other as Selphie came banging through the waiting room, Zell managed to climb off just as she burst through the door, she spotted Squall and dropped her chuks to the floor followed by pouncing on Squall and wailing loudly into his midsection. Quistis came in soon after followed by Irvine, both of whom looked worried and distraught, while Quistis and Irvine tried to pry Selphie off Squall, Zell quietly backed out of the room as they all fussed over Squall and headed for his dorm, he could still hear Selphie's muffled cries out in the corridor. Still thinking about everything that had happened that day, a wave of exhaustion and fatigue rolled over him and all thoughts in his head turned to sleep, when he finally got to his dorm the sight of his punching bag and the mess on the floor, for some reason the spilled innards did not bother him as he shed his clothes and flung himself into bed, he had the best nights sleep in a long time, for all he could dream of was how soft Squalls mouth was and all those things he could do with his tongue….

To be continued

New chapter up, ask and ye shall receive for I am a kind god. I actually had a hard time trying to think up more filler to put in and gracefully thread it with plot points of which I don't know what to do with them, but the mush at the end is what you were all waiting for anyway, right? I think I put to much in this one instead of spreading it out sensibly, unlike Selphie with her vegemite, and if you don't like it, tough… I'm Australian and we are all raised on our favorite salty yeast extract. I also demand reviews and kudos would also be appreciated, not bad for someone who never took a creative writing course and never finished highschool either.

Go Aussie!


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